Random Lightning Bolts

The new road ahead...

2011-08-14T09:34:00.001-03:00

I don't know what to really make of this. Maybe it just really hasn't kicked in yet. It's just that usually it has already kicked in by now. The sadness of leaving a place/people I love.

I don't really understand it. Please don't think that it's because I don't love Berlin or the people I'm leaving behind there. I do. A LOT. And I'm going to miss them all more than words can say. But somehow, my heart is at peace.

I think it's because it was my decision, not something that was forced upon me. Or maybe it's just the fact that the road ahead is so exciting, so exactly what I've always wanted to do, that my excitement for the future keeps me going and carries me through the sadness of what I'm leaving behind. I don't know...

But either way, I don't think I've ever experienced a *departure* in such a peaceful, almost happy, way.

If you're reading this, please grab a glass full of some sort of drinkable liquid, and raise your glass to me and the new adventures that await me. And thank you all for being a part of my life... you guys are what makes living worth while. :)

Unexpected...

2011-08-11T16:33:00.000-03:00

Sometimes the most random and unexpected things happen, and you barely know how to react...

I'm leaving Berlin in two days... and I was definitely not expecting to meet some wonderful, amazing people and have so little time to spend with them...

But such is life... Serendipity! Carpe Diem!! Be happy for this moment... THIS moment is your life...

wait... I think I heard that last one before.... ;)

Life is great.... even if it's hard sometimes....

Leaving....

2011-08-02T07:48:00.000-03:00

I'm leaving in 2 weeks. And I can already recognize that familiar taste in my mouth, the bitter taste of goodbye.

I hate this!!! I really do hate it. Not knowing when/if I'll see my friends again. And knowing that I won't be here for Movie Nights, or Birthdays, that I won't be able to walk 50m to the store and buy all the cheese I can possibly eat, nor all the chocolate.

I know these may seem like banalities, but sometimes those little things just get you. Really.

There's also the other problem. The most dreaded task of all times, and something that has plagued my existence for 13 years: packing.

I have to pack most of my stuff and send it home through the mail (and hopefully ahead of me) because obviously no luggage limit in the world will allow me to take all my crap. I already have 4 boxes packed, but they're not evenly packed, which means I'm gonna have to open them up, and re-organize most of it. Oh joy!!

But at least... at the very least... my moving back to Brazil means I won't have to 'pack' again for a while... (and no, of course this doesn't include stuffing 3 shirts and 2 pants into a backpack to go for a short trip somewhere!!! which I've become so good at, I can do with my eyes closed and in under 5 minutes...)

(I wanted this post to reflect how I feel... but it doesn't. I guess it's hard to put it into words... but if you've left a place/people you love, I'm sure you know how it is...)

One Month...

2011-06-29T09:06:00.000-03:00

One month...

In exactly one month I will be 30 years old. Scary thought.

It occurred to me that this might be my mid-life. My father died at the age of 57 of a fatal stroke. I’m certain he didn’t think he was living his mid-life when he was 30. We never know when we will die. This has put a lot of things in a different light. I’ve seen things from a different perspective.

I have taken time these last few months to reflect on my life, what I have accomplished, what I haven’t, and what my real dreams are. I was surprised with what I found.

Someone said to me lately that our experiences in life keep repeating themselves until we learn the lesson we need to learn from them. I realized how true that is, and how it was about time I learned my lesson once and for all.

For those of you who know me even a little bit, you know that for the last 13 years I have not lived in my home country (Brazil) and have not wanted to. Much to the contrary, I’d say to whoever wanted to hear that I would never live there again.

The truth is, I’ve been running away from ‘home’ for too long now. Yes, Brazil is my home. Whether I like it or not, that’s where I was born, that’s where I grew up, and that’s where my roots are. I’ve been really good at adapting to my surroundings, blending with the culture of the country I happen to be living in at the moment. Maybe it’s time I stop adapting. Maybe it’s time I spend that energy in growing, and pursuing my real dreams. Maybe it’s time for the prodigal daughter to go back home...

So it is with a bit of fear, and a bit of excitement, that I tell you all that I will be moving permanently* back to Brazil in the beginning of August.

Wish me luck, and come visit!!! :)

*Don’t hold me accountable if I change my mind 6 months from now. I’m a woman after all, it’s my prerogative to change my mind as many times as I want! :) :) :)

Society...

2011-05-22T21:22:00.000-03:00

I just watched "Into the Wild" again.

It's such a beautiful, powerful movie for me. And I don't mean in the cheese way that everybody talks about, the open road, let's go traveling, whatever. Sure, there's some beautiful scenery, and it definitely brings home the fact that there are too many beautiful places in the world that deserve to be seen, but I already know that.

I think to me, the most striking part of the movie is the contrast between the beginning, when he's traveling around and spending lots of time alone, and even says to Ron that he's wrong if he thinks that happiness comes from human contact-- to the end of the movie, where possibly his last written words were "happiness only real when shared."

Yes, society might have its problems... and our interactions with the people around us might be complicated and chaotic at times, but we will never be happy without having someone to share it with.

Languages and such...

2011-04-30T17:09:00.000-03:00

Just a quick note on the topic of languages... how funny is it that the same word can mean completely different things in different languages?

Check out the following example:

Word: "Hell"
Definition in English: Underworld, place of fire, Satan, etc.
Definition in German: Light, bright, luminous-- as in "I love summer! It's 9pm and still 'light' out.

It gets even funnier when you have the same word in the same language, but different regionalisms change its meaning. For example:

Portuguese Word: "Puto"
Definition in Portugal: little boy
Definition in Brazil: male prostitute

And there are thousands of examples... (let's not even mention the Spanish word "concha") yeah, some funnier than others... :)

It's just one more adventure in the process of learning a new language. I love it!

Rehab...

2011-02-25T21:32:00.000-03:00

I'm a junkie. Really. I need to get checked into a Rehab facility as soon as possible.

Don't be too surprised, if you're reading this, chances are you're a junkie too... and no, I'm not doing drugs.

Let me explain: I'm a technology junkie.

Next week I'm going to Thailand. I've been looking forward to this trip for months now, and I can't wait to be out in the sun and sea enjoying the beauty and tranquility of islands and nature.

However, every time I think of the fact that I'm not taking my computer, my heart skips a beat. I'm serious, it's that bad. I feel like a junkie looking for her next fix, even though I still have the computer under my fingertips. Literally. And the more I realize how addicted I am, the more I am certain that I have to leave the computer at home.

I'm actually sure that once I'm there, I won't even think of the computer, I'll be too busy enjoying everything around me to remember that machines, computers, phones, even electricity, exist.

But I'm sad to realize what a sad state of affairs I'm in right now. Seven years ago when I went to Thailand the first time, I didn't even own a laptop. I was in Thailand for 6 weeks and checked my email maybe 5 times. Now the first thing I do when I wake up is turn on the computer, and the last thing I do before I fall asleep is turn it off...

So yes, I'm in need of rehab. And I hope that when I come back, I'll be able to control my urges and give myself more and more "unplugged" time. I need it. Maybe you need it too...

Pillows and such...

2011-01-13T08:26:00.000-03:00

I've been thinking a lot about the whole concept of "home" lately. I've lived in so many places, so many different countries, continents, houses, apartments, and traveled to so many more, that I could honestly not count the amount of beds I've slept on or the number of pillows I've laid my head on at night.

There are people who can't sleep well if they're not in their own bed. That never really happened to me. I'm so used to being homeless, that whenever asked "Where is home?" I usually answer "wherever I lay my head at night..." That's been true for the last 12 years, at least.

It's funny, because when I was a kid, I wanted to live in Brasilia my whole life. I always wanted to travel and see the world, but I had never considered living elsewhere... Brasilia is where I was born, and where I grew up. The weather is wonderful, the scenery is beautiful, there's a lot of natural beauty around and plenty of places to explore outside the city. The city itself is quite small for a capital, and I know it better than the palm of my own hand. I know it so well that you can probably take a random picture of any corner of the city, show it to me, and I can tell you exactly where it is. No joke. For the first half of my life, it was definitely "home".

It lost the title of "home" when I moved away and discovered that there were other places in this world where I felt more at home than there. Places where I "fit" better, although I've started to discover that maybe it's more due to the fact that I'm as adaptable as a chameleon, than to the actual environment around me. But during the last 12 years, I had gone to the other extreme and said that I definitely did NOT want to live there.

However, I don't know if it's because I'm growing old (yes, happens to the best [and the worst] of us), or because I've grown tired of change, or simply because the weather is getting to me and I miss the warmth of the sun on my skin... but lately everytime I think of "home", Brasilia comes to mind. Ironic, isn't it?

Does the prodigal son always come home? Will there be a party if he does?

...Something to think about...

Expectations...

2010-11-29T17:50:00.001-03:00

I realized something today... well, no, that's not exactly right. I had thought of this before. "This" being the fact that you can only be disappointed and get annoyed at people when you have expectations from them. Today I experienced it.

I was annoyed at someone because I had expected them to do something, which they did not. Then all of a sudden, it wasn't that I stopped to think about it or anything, it just came to my mind "but why did I expect them to do that anyway? There's no specific need for it, or rule saying they should. So if I don't have a specific reason to expect them to do it, I don't have a valid reason to be annoyed by the fact they didn't do it." That synopsis took only a split second in my brain, and just like that, my annoyance vanished.

I was kind of astonished that all it took was that split-second realization...

Sometimes we can un-complicate our own lives without even trying... just by adjusting our thinking and our attitudes towards something.

It was a good day. :)

p.s.: and I just realized that my last post was titled "annoyed". However, that was a different situation, I was annoyed at stupid people who did things wrong or not at all, when they were paid to do it. It was a work thing, and since I had to fix what they had done wrong, or do what they hadn't done, I was completely right to be annoyed...

Annoyed

2010-09-23T10:10:00.002-03:00

I'm very annoyed today. Stupid people are everywhere.

I think that's the biggest problem for evolution to solve. If natural selection were really that good, shouldn't it have eliminated all the stupid people already???

Blah.

The Art of Contentment-- Part II

2010-09-03T07:45:00.000-03:00

The building where I work

Maybe it's just the novelty of it all and it will wear off in a few days. Or maybe it's because I have a nice office all to myself, and a coffee-maker at the reach of my hands and a comfy chair with wheels that I can spin around in. (yes, I'm a child).

It may also be because I get to read interesting papers all day, and even edit papers written by old professors (now I'm the one with the red pen! REVENGE!! hehe!).

But I'm actually enjoying myself at work. :)

My office

The view from my window...

If you look carefully you can see a German flag on the right side of the building...

The art of contentment...

2010-08-30T12:02:00.000-03:00

... being content (for more than 5 seconds) is possibly the hardest thing to achieve.

In a way, it's a very good thing and serves a specific purpose. It pushes us forward and makes us move off our butts and get stuff done.

But on the other hand, it kinda sucks that the moment you achieve what you were trying to do for so long, you enjoy it for the above mentioned 5 seconds, and then move on to something else, never being satisfied with what you have.

Being human sucks sometimes...

Moving again...

2010-08-23T19:37:00.001-03:00

Theologische Hochschule Friedensau Alte Schule

So I'm moving again. In a few days I will be arriving at Friedensau University in Germany, where I will be for at least a year, hopefully more.

I was talking to some friends about the fact that here I am, picking up and moving again, leaving behind friends and family again, and having to start all over again, again. "Isn't it tiring?" they asked me. "Yes, in a way. But you get used to it." I answered.

The truth is, I'm not sure you get used to the leaving part... it's always sad to leave your friends behind and not know when you'll see them again. I'm going to miss some of them terribly (and you know who you are...). But at the same time you never get quite used to the leaving part, you get kind of addicted to the arriving part. It's always exciting and fun to see where you're going to live next, and the people you're going to meet, and the things you're going to do and learn...

Today I ran across a quote that kinda sums it up for me:

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure.

The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

~Chris McCandless*

*If you haven't seen the movie "Into the Wild", watch it!!! Or even better, read the book!!!

Fears are stupid!!

2010-08-21T19:36:00.000-03:00

Last year, almost exactly a year ago, I was blogging about confusing embassy/immigration department information, and what ultimately led me to decide NOT to request the visa to go to Germany. (You can read those blogs here)I've had issues with visas before, and now I dread them. So I decided to not even try, and just go back to Buenos Aires.

Now I finally faced my fears and plunged head first into the paperwork... and it worked! I'm leaving in 36hrs!!! If I hadn't succumbed to my fears a year ago, I would've been in Germany already... but at the same time, all the places I visited and all the things I did in the last year, I wouldn't have done, so it's all good. :)

The point is, Fears are Stupid. And now I'm moving to Germany!! YEY!!!

The simple joys in life...

2010-08-08T17:04:00.000-03:00

The terrace of Quimbombó

It's a beautiful, sunny day in Buenos Aires. A little bit chilly, but then again, it's winter.

I like sunny winter days. I love walking around a city I know well, and enjoying the cool air, the warm sunshine, the general good mood of a Sunday afternoon.

To enjoy this even more fully, there's nothing better than to have a delicious lunch of some amazing Indian food, while sitting on a terrace and watching the world go by. Oh, and let's not forget the incredible "Tropic Ginger" drink, which is made up of orange juice, maracuya juice, ginger, and mint leaves. I had never tried it before, but will definitely be making some of that at home! It's yummy!!

You may be thinking that I'm getting paid, or at least getting a discount to write about this place (pictured above), but I'm not. I'm just in a good mood, with the sun, and the great food, and the peaceful atmosphere... so I thought I'd share, in case any of you happens to be in (or coming to) Buenos Aires and needs a good meal and a place to relax. :)

But the actual point of this post (yes, there was one!) was to say that moods are so random, we should learn to manage them better. And the easiest way I've found to manage mine, is to evoke those simple joys, like food, coffee, a good book, ice cream, and pretty much anything that makes you smile. :)

Playing with Fire...

2010-08-04T15:48:00.000-03:00

Part I- I should really start planting a whole forest now, to make up for the possibility of my ever having a house with a fireplace. I would live in front of the fire and never ever set foot outside the house, unless it was to get more wood. :s Yes, I'm a bad person.

Part II- "When you play with fire, you end up burning yourself." --> That's only if you don't know the rules of the game... I love to play with fire. :)

A Dangerous Life

2010-06-16T18:50:00.000-03:00

I just started reading a book, and on the first page it says:

"To all those who lead monotonous lives in the hope that they may experience at second hand the delights and dangers of adventure."

I am glad that I can honestly say that book was not dedicated to me. :)

Random things going through my head this moment...

2010-06-15T01:01:00.000-03:00

- Learning languages was always easy for me. I just need people to speak to me in that language all the time, for 2 or 3 months. Why is it that nobody around here speaks German? Damn it!

- I always wanted to write a book. I really think I could invent an interesting story to captivate people's attention. My only fear is that the end would suck and people would be disappointed... but maybe I should try. Someday.

- Who the hell invented/created hairless cats? It's an abomination. Poor things. I get that cat hair all over the place is kind of annoying, but caressing their fur is awesome! And hairless cats are u.g.l.y.

- If Brazil doesn't win that game tomorrow, I'm gonna vomit on the tv set and make sure it never works again.

- We're all humans!!! Borders should be dissolved, never to rise again. It would solve all the wars, wouldn't it? (yes, I can dream...)

===> and yes, all those things started going through my head as I was writing them. That's the product of randomly firing neurons. Who can guess what they'll come up with next? I certainly can't.

The grass is always greener...?

2010-06-07T16:25:00.000-03:00

or is it?

Why do we always say that the grass is greener on the other side? Why do we always want something different than what we have? Why do we keep wanting more, and more and more, never satisfied?

I think part of it is just human nature. We have to aspire to something. We have to want to get somewhere, otherwise we'd end up depressed and useless, with nothing to do, because we wanted nothing.

That's a good thing, as long as it's within the boundaries of sanity and not "I want the moon, and I just have to have it!!" :) hehe

But maybe, just maybe... sometimes it may very well be that the grass really is greener on the other side.

The longest distance...

2010-05-20T05:56:00.000-03:00

Sometimes I think the longest distance in the world is the 20cm from your head to your heart. Sometimes they just can't seem to communicate, creating the biggest confusion in the world, and there's nothing you can do because you can't seem to decide which one is right.

---> In a council of two, there can be no majority. <---

Maybe our stomach or foot should start having a say in what we do... at least it would break the tie.

The face of the earth...

2010-05-15T08:41:00.000-03:00

...and how to drop off it.

Have you ever felt that way? Ever felt that the world is too complicated and that it would just be easier to drop off the face of the earth and disappear for a while?

I'm feeling that way right now. Maybe it's because I'm drawing near the end of my trip and I really don't want to go back...

Maybe it's because people have expectations of me, and I have expectations of the world around me, and expectations only bring disappointments...

Maybe it's just because it's raining and I need some coffee and a bit more sleep.

All I know is that I wish I could drop off the face of the earth right now, and be gone for a while.

Discrimination, racism and special treatments...

2010-05-04T06:03:00.001-03:00

I just read this article, and it shocked me. Read it and come back here.... :)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1270364/Christian-preacher-hooligan-charge-saying-believes-homosexuality-sin.html#ixzz0mj1a1Wtr

Since I know most of you will be too lazy to actually go read it, this is the article in a nut-shell:

"A Christian street preacher has been arrested and charged with a public-order offence after saying that homosexuality was sinful."

I'm not here to argue the merits of the question, if homosexuality sinful or not. That's not the point of this blog post. The point is this: If he had been saying that LYING is sinful, or MURDER, or STEALING, would he still have been arrested?

Since when do people get arrested for proclaiming their personal beliefs? What happened to freedom of speech?

If he had been preaching about lying, I, as a liar (aren't we all?) could've gotten offended and said "Hey! Why are you calling me sinful? I'm gonna put you in jail!"

Why is that different than saying homosexuality is sinful?

I realize that I'm opening a can of worms here and some of you are going to start throwing stones at me, but really, why is it that gays, and blacks, get "special treatment"? Why is it that if a white person gets in a fight with another white person, it's just a fight, but if it happens to be with a black person, all of a sudden, it's racism?

Let me make this clear: I'm not a racist. In fact, I don't even see what's the big deal with skin color anyway, in my opinion we're all human, and that's as far as it goes. The same goes for sexual orientation.

What really annoys me is that in giving people this "special treatment" we are actually singling them out and that's a form of discrimination! Denying a person their rights, because of skin color or sexual orientation is discrimination and it's wrong. But giving them special rights because of the same thing is also discrimination and it's ALSO wrong!

So as far as I'm concerned, that preacher should not have been arrested or charged (he has been released on bail). I don't agree with what he's doing, but his freedom of speech is much more important than any bruised ego or insulted liar like myself, or adulterous or homosexual person out there. Toughen up! You're human, people will insult you, but only if you allow yourself to be insulted.

Disclaimer: That's my point of view... and I claim my freedom of speech to say it all. If you don't like it, you can comment, email me, or stop reading my blog. Your choice.

Tired...

2010-04-27T04:35:00.000-03:00

Ok, so this is not a transcending blog post, nor something very interesting, funny or worthy of your time. Sorry. It's just that I'm tired. Traveling for this long takes a lot out of you, especially when the airline loses your bag, the hotel and other things annoy you, and all you want to do is sleep for a week. I'm at 3 months of traveling today, and I've been to 9 different countries in 2 continents.

I was thinking yesterday that I am in Greece after all, and I could find one of the millions of amazing beaches and just sleep.... that's when I realized I don't even have a bikini... :(

I apologize if this is a pointless blog, but it's a sad day when I need a vacation from my vacation...

Faces and Appearances

2010-04-11T05:28:00.000-03:00

We tend to look at people and create an idea of who they are, within a few seconds, most of the time before they even open their mouths. It's that first impression that is so important in so many moments of our lives. As the saying goes: "You never have a second chance to make a good first impression."

I'm thinking of this now, because someone spoke to me in Arabic, then as I looked confused, they asked me in English where I was from, and then looked surprised and said "but you look Arabic!"

In Israel, everyone was speaking to me in Hebrew directly, and even the fact that I had a Lonely Planet guide in my hand didn't make them think I was a tourist. I went to a synagogue, and this girl sitting behind me naturally passed me a prayer book and pointed to the part of the service where they were... I could only smile and nod...

While in France a few years ago when I was taking care of 3 little girls, people would always ask me if I was their older sister... and I've lost count how many times I've been stopped on the street by people asking for directions. Ok, some of them were tourists, but some weren't!

In Italy, same thing, I had a guy actually not believe me that I was not Italian... and I don't even speak Italian!

In the US I had a roommate in college who was full blooded Navarro Indian... and people thought we were sisters everywhere we went. And some people have called me "Pocahontas" before and are certain I have Indian blood in me (which I don't btw).

Obviously in Brazil nobody thinks I'm out of place... and the same is true with Argentina and Uruguay.

So all of that got me thinking... I guess I have a pretty general face/features that can fit into a lot of different countries. I'm sure in Sweden I wouldn't look like a native, nor in Africa, but most places in-between seem to think I don't look much different than them.

The question I ask all of you is this: What's in a face? What makes a face interesting, or friendly, or "common". What constitutes a good "first impression"?

I was just wondering...

FIGHT THE POWERS THAT BE!!!

2010-03-30T08:53:00.000-03:00

This is actually a travelpost, but it also fits into this blog, so I'm posting it here too... to make sure people see it! :)

Yesterday evening I arrived at the airport in Berlin with my nice little backpack, the same one I had been carrying around for 2 months in 7 (count them, SEVEN) low-cost flights, always as a carry-on, and with absolutely NO PROBLEMS. The bag is pretty small and even fits properly in the box they have at the airport that says "If it fits, take it on board!"

Well, the lady at the counter decided that I couldn't take it on board, and would have to pay, even though the bag WAS in the box! She argued that I couldn't easily put it in the box (which by her description meant in one move, like a nice little suitcase). This is a backpack, so it takes more than one continuous movement to put it into the box, but it fits. She said "I'm not going to argue with you. Will you pay to take your backpack, or will you stay?" I picked up my passport from the counter and left, furious, because NO, I was NOT going to pay.

So I called E. and we started talking about what to do, he went on the Easyjet website to look for their terms and conditions of carriage, and it states clearly that if it fits into the box, you can take it on board. It says nothing about how you manage to put it into the box. Now please, look at the pictures below and tell me if the woman had ANY reason to complain!!!

From one angle...

From another angle...

The backpack is completely in the box, and you can't even see it!

So I took pictures of the backpack in the box, went back to the woman, put my phone in her face and stated that I was recording this conversation, and started to tell her about the terms and conditions of carriage stated on the Easyjet website. She wouldn't even look at me, she told me to go talk to her supervisor. I did, and again, stated that I was recording the conversation and that I had taken pictures of the back inside the box and that if she didn't let me in the plane I would contact Easyjet, customer service, passenger rights and every "proper authority" I could think of to make my rights heard. I guess she decided she couldn't really argue with me, and that if I really was going to make such a big deal, I could take it on board... so the only words she said to me were "ok, you can take it then" and signaled to the check in lady to give me a boarding pass. The lady, having lost her battle, of course, didn't even look at me, just handed me the boarding pass, and I smiled triumphantly at her and said "thank you."

Moral of the story: don't try to cheat me of my rights. I already have so few, that I am damn right going to make them be respected! Low-cost airlines make it cheap to take flights everywhere, it's true, but they've got no right to cheat me and make me pay things I don't owe them.

For all of you friends and travelers out there: don't let them cheat you!!! :)

Happiness...

2010-03-16T11:47:00.000-03:00

I think happiness takes a lot less than we'd normally think...

Of course, that's a sentence full of pre-requisites. It's hard to explain. I guess what I mean is that we don't need a lot to be happy... we just need the right things.

I'm sure those of you who have lived through this know exactly what I'm talking about...

:)

Communication-- Friend or Foe?

2010-03-10T14:28:00.000-03:00

If you believe in Evolution, you will believe that species developed communication to help them in cooperation and survival. If you believe in Creation, you’ll know the story about the Tower of Babel, when God implemented different languages all at once so that mankind could no longer cooperate and build the tower.

But no matter what you believe, I’m sure you’ll have plenty of examples coming to your head of misunderstandings and communication problems that have caused difficult situations.

So I’m wondering why is it that sometimes it’s SO hard to say the right words to convey what we mean? Even when it’s something you believe with all your heart, sometimes we’re just clumsy, and end up causing more harm than good. Let me give you an example: a couple of days ago I was at the Zurich train station, and this guy was going around saying “Jesus Christ is Lord.” I was a bit surprised, and didn’t know what to think. On the one hand, I was happy and even encouraged that he believed it so much, that it permeated every fiber of his being and he didn’t care if he looked like a fool-- he just had to proclaim what he believed. On the other hand, he was more likely scaring people away and reinforcing the belief that all Christians are freaks.

Thinking about all of that also makes me think about communication between men and women. How can it be so hard sometimes? Why is it that the most important things are usually the hardest to say?

At least I can say I’m happy that sometimes, every once in a while, time is your friend, and what would’ve turned out a disaster if it had been said 7 years ago, turned into something wonderful when said now. ;)

Expecting and being expected…

2010-03-03T12:04:00.000-03:00

One of the things I hate the most is having to wait for someone to pick me up… be it at an airport, train station, whatever. I have some serious expectations about that. I know it’s probably stupid, but it annoys the crap out of me, and makes me feel completely unwanted. Most of the time I don’t need anyone to go pick me up, I can make my way to wherever I’m going on my own, and that’s perfectly fine. But if you volunteer to come pick me up, please don’t make me wait!! My own family makes me wait, and I’ve already yelled at them and told them to just not come at all, I’ll take a bus, taxi, whatever, and go home on my own, cuz I just hate waiting!! Especially since I know they live like 10 minutes from the airport….(This rule has a few exceptions, like if you had to drive 2hrs to get to the airport to pick me up, you’re totally off the hook if you’re late… cuz I’ll already be so freaking impressed that you were willing to drive that far to pick me up that I won’t mind waiting…)

The other day I was at the airport waiting for a friend and I realized something: I’m usually the one traveling, and being picked up at the airport/train station, but I haven’t actually waited for anyone in a while. I started looking around and was reminded of that scene at the beginning (and end) of “Love, Actually“. It’s true. If you want to see special moments, and people being genuinely happy to see someone else, all you have to do is go to the airport. And it’s a pretty incredible feeling to go through the arrivals gate and see someone there smiling and grinning, ready to give you a huge hug, and just happy to see you. Makes me feel loved and cared for…

It’s just one of those moments that are so simple, and so powerful… at least for me.

Memories...

2010-02-20T00:03:00.000-03:00

Sometimes all you need is to see someone you haven't seen for a while... a very dear close wonderful friend, to remember those moments spent together many, many years ago, and how true friendships really do stand the test of time, and no matter what happens, you love them and they love you just as much as if you had never been apart.

Friends are truly the best thing in the world. Not ice cream. Not even love. (Since love without friendship would probably not last long anyway).

Today I am thankful for my dear friends, old and new, scattered across countries and continents, but who are incredibly dear to me and who I miss and love very much.

Thank you for your friendship. :)

Saudade...

2010-01-24T23:35:00.000-03:00

Saudade is a word that only exists in Portuguese. It cannot be correctly translated because no other word (at least to my knowledge, and yes, I have researched it) can convey all the feeling this word carries with it. It means you miss something or someone. But it carries with it a bit of nostalgia... a bit of sadness... a bit of love... a bit of sweet memories...

It's a beautiful word.

The worst thing you can do when you feel that about someone, is think about them, about the happy moments you've spent in their company, or even worse (if that's possible): read what people say about them. Then you'll see through other people's eyes how wonderful that person is, and confirm what you already knew: you miss them terribly!!!

:(

New Beginnings...

2010-01-02T09:15:00.000-03:00

It's a New Year! Like every year, we think about the things that happened in the past year and make a balance of it all, remembering certain things with fondness, others maybe with sadness, but I think looking at the lessons we've learned and the wonderful things that happened is a good way to start a New Year full of positive energy and a desire to make this year even better than last year!

I had a wonderful 2009. It was full of challenges, of beauty, of friends, of happy moments, of not so happy moments, of adventures, of difficult decisions... It had all the ingredients a year must have, so that I can look back on it and say it was a year well lived.

Now 2010 is upon us, and it's almost crazy to think how fast time goes... I hope it turns out even better than 2009, and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to make it that way! :)

Love you all! Happy New Year! :)

Serendipity

2009-12-29T01:09:00.000-03:00

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, Serendipity is : the faculty or phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for;

Nothing could represent that to me more than what happened today.

I'm walking around with Liesje and Ana through the streets of Ipanema (yes, like the famous song) and we stop at a big flashy fruit stand. The guy was an excellent salesman, and started giving us little pieces of delicious fruits to taste and be tempted, before quoting exorbitant prices for them. We were busy trying to figure out what to do, if we should buy something or not, when I hear something in the background that catches my attention. It sounded like "mangostino."

For those of you who don't know what this is, it is a fruit from South-east Asia that I am completely obsessed with, and it is without a doubt the best thing I have ever tasted in my life. By far.

A few months ago, I spent a couple of weeks in Colombia looking for it everywhere I went (as somebody had told me you can find them there) but with no success. After I left, a friend of mine was lucky enough to find them, but I wasn't there anymore, so I didn't get to taste heaven.

And then today happened. I wasn't thinking of mangosteens. I had never heard they existed in Brazil. I would've never even dream of looking for them here. Don't know anyone who knows them and hasn't been to south-east Asia (or been told by someone who has.)

So you can imagine my surprise, and my reaction, when I caught that faint "mangostino" and turned around to realize that I was indeed NOT dreaming, and the old man from the fruit stand behind me (which I hadn't given any attention to and would've missed completely) was opening one up and offering me a taste of heaven. I tasted it. I started laughing and hyperventilating and acting like a crazy nut.

Of course, I bought some, at the price of gold, but who cares?? It was cheaper than a plane ticket to Thailand... :)

All of this to say, if you haven't had the chance and happiness of tasting a mangosteen, you don't know what you're missing... but most importantly, sometimes the best things in life we find when we're not looking for them.

Butterflies and decisions...

2009-12-26T23:21:00.000-03:00

I like making decisions. I'm usually pretty sure of what I want, and have a somewhat clear idea of how to get there. Of course, that doesn't mean I always get what I want. A lot of the times things are out of my control, and so even when I can see the path, sometimes the door is closed in my face.

But I think an unavoidable part of making decisions is that familiar feeling of butterflies in your stomach, and anxious bursts of impatience, "which one is the best choice? Should I pick A or B? What are the pros and cons of each?" I don't spend too much time in that though... I know that not making a decision usually results in lost opportunities and regrets, so I dive right in. There's the popular saying "I'd rather regret something I've done than wonder forever about the outcome of choices I didn't make."

All of that to say that I made quite a few decisions in the last couple of days, which will be appearing soon in my travel blog .

However, the butterflies don't go away the second you make the decision... and I think that's part of the expectations that follow a decision, no matter what it is about. I guess that's part of the fun... after all, I like butterflies... ;)

The virus of complaining and the art of relaxing

2009-12-19T12:53:00.002-03:00

Complaining is something I don't like to do. And I don't like to be around people who complain all the time (I think nobody does...)

For the last month and a half, I was in Brasilia, and around people who complain ALL the time. They're negative. Nothing is ever alright, if it's hot, it's too hot. If it's cold, it should be hot. If it's Monday, they want it to be Tuesday. If it's Tuesday, it's because it's not Monday. It's insane. It drives me nuts! But like I said, it's a virus... so it rubs off on me and I catch myself complaining all the time. (I'm even doing it right now!!!)

But then you go to a different place. A place where people are relaxed and happy. Where the sun shines and the ocean is an incredible hypnotic blue. Where there's a hammock on the balcony, and you can just be, and hear yourself breathe...

All of a sudden, all that complaining goes away, and you remember that life is beautiful... and you walk for half an hour under the pouring rain at night, with a smile on your face and thank God for the rain, cuz it's so refreshing and beautiful.

Yeah, I definitely like the art of relaxing.... ;)

The Butterfly Circus

2009-11-11T23:33:00.003-03:00

It's amazing how much our perception of ourselves is formed through the eyes of others. No matter how much we try to avoid being influenced by other people's views, something always reaches us, something always breaks through our defenses and our self-deprecating humor to make us doubt ourselves...

Tonight I watched a short film that made me realize two things: 1- that we should be careful whose opinion we believe or let affect us. 2- that we should have good opinions of others and influence their lives for the better!

"Life and death are in the power of the tongue" is a very underestimated proverb... but it is only too true.

Watch the film The Butterfly Circus and then tell me what you think... :)

Change of perspective in 24hrs

2009-10-19T17:03:00.001-03:00

I love Buenos Aires... I love walking around the streets of Buenos Aires, be it early in the morning watching people as they hurry to get to work, or in a lazy sunny afternoon as they sip their coffee, or at 3 in the morning, when the streets are mostly deserted, and the cool breeze makes me feel peaceful and alive.

I just had one of those nights, of walking home alone at 4am and appreciating the quiet empty streets, and the beauty of the city... for some reason I have never felt unsafe in Buenos Aires. Sure I've heard stories of people getting mugged. Sure I have had my ipod pick pocketed out of my backpack without realizing it. But that never translated into fear.

And then, 24hrs after my peaceful walk home, I'm walking at night again, this time with 2 girlfriends, going towards the bus stop, somewhere around 3am, when I see this guy running towards us, grabbing one of my friends, yelling "Give me your cell phone or I'll kill you!" and her screaming and struggling with him. I didn't know what to do. It all happened so fast! My friend screamed and said NO! and the guy pushed her and shoved her to the ground, didn't manage to get the phone from her, and ran away. Her thumb was bleeding, and we thought maybe it was from being pushed to the ground, but later realized he must've had a knife/blade of some sort... and that's pretty scary.

So after the ordeal, we ran to the bus stop, freaked out and totally nervous, and I still have to wait for the bus. The girls waited with me, and then had to walk another few blocks to where they were staying... and I'm thinking that after the bus, I still have a few blocks to walk by myself until I get home. Not cool.

I take the bus, and get off at the same place I did the night before, when I was enjoying the nice walk... except this time I was trying to walk as fast as I could, watching behind my back and afraid someone was going to jump at me from nowhere.

The funny thing is, I wasn't actually afraid. I wanted to enjoy my walk as I did the night before. But I realized that just because I don't think it's dangerous, doesn't mean it isn't dangerous. So now I'm going to be much more careful when walking around alone...

...so much for enjoying peaceful walks in the middle of the night... :(

Watch out--> it's raining!

2009-09-27T11:34:00.000-03:00

The rain has a strange effect on me. People who know me well are aware of this... it's weird, but it acts kinda like a drug, it makes me want to do crazy things, and it takes away my inhibition, which results in having the courage to do the crazy things I feel like doing.

Today it's raining... a lot actually. I feel like doing something crazy. I feel that impulse welling up inside of me, and I just want to take off running and GO! DO! FEEL!

...but...

I'm fresh out of ideas... so I think I'll just sit here and have another cup of coffee...

Nomadic life...

2009-09-26T11:43:00.001-03:00

I've been "living" in Buenos Aires for about 9 months now... but in those 9 months, I've left to go on trips 3 times, and a few other weekend escapades, so I haven't spent more than 6 months actually in BA.

When I was in France, I used to complain that I didn't have many friends who were crazy travelers like me, and I ended up not going on too many trips as a result (don't get me wrong, I still managed to go to Thailand, India, Nepal and a lot of European countries... I was just traveling alone!). Now it seems all I have are traveler friends, and each time someone says they're going to such-and-such place, if I can, I end up joining them.

But the question of this blog is this: will it ever stop?

Historically, humans have began as nomads, until they figured out they could transform their environment and have a more settled and secure life. I feel like I'm "stuck" in that nomadic lifestyle, and even though the thought of settling down somewhere appeals to me sometimes (mainly when I get tired of carrying a backpack around), if I really think about settling down, it freaks me out and I immediately see red flashing lights that say NOOOOOO!!!!!

I love traveling, and I love my nomadic life (which is the reason I haven't stopped yet!). But sometimes I wonder if I'm not missing out in some aspects of life, things that you can only do when you have a permanent base, somewhere to call "home."

I hope someday I have logical and simple answer to the question "Where are you from?"

Uncanny Resemblance....

2009-09-03T13:10:00.002-03:00

Just heard this song and it sounded SO familiar, it's hard to believe I didn't write it myself.

It's good to know that other people in the world live out of a backpack... but the last part also resonates with me, and maybe it's time to start thinking about that.

(Except every time I think about that, I also think "noooo!! not YET!")

Listen to the song... it's a good one!

Random one-liners...

2009-09-02T19:08:00.000-03:00

Some people have a gift. The gift of saying the right thing with very few words. And no, I'm not talking about pick-up lines or cat-calls on the street (although living in Buenos Aires, I could write an encyclopedia full of them...).

No, I'm talking about random, unexpected emails, that are composed of just a few words... but raise your spirits and put a smile on your face and this incredible desire of jumping into the computer screen just to come out on the other side and give a big great bear hug to the person who just sent you that email.

Unfortunately technology isn't that advanced yet...

So for those of you who are skilled in sending those emails, and who have put a smile upon my face countless times---> Consider yourself hugged. :)

Belonging...

2009-08-20T04:30:00.001-03:00

All of us, every single one of us, has the need ingrained in our beings, to belong to something, somewhere, someone. We may try to deny it, to others, to ourselves, try to prove our independence, but the truth is--and here I quote someone wiser than me-- no man is an island and I add: no matter how much he tries to fool himself.

Why am I talking about this?

Maybe is because I'm moving out of my house (yes, once again!) and I'm not sure I want to move into my next house (already found it) because I'm thinking it would be a better use of my money to travel instead of pay rent.

But why is it that the simple thought of not having a house terrifies me?

Strange, isn't it?

I guess the whole "leaving/not leaving" story made my heart fly away to someplace new, and now I don't feel like I belong in the old one. It's hard to leave... but it's even harder to come back when you haven't really left. I guess this Brazilian song says it best: "You're the only one who has the cure for my vice of insisting in missing terribly all that I haven't seen yet."

I definitely have that vice... but haven't found the one who has the cure yet.

About giving up...

2009-08-12T13:07:00.000-03:00

Some people are quitters. I'm not. That makes giving up on anything a very hard thing to do... but sometimes you just have to weigh the pros and cons of a situation, admit that it's not worth it, and lay down your weapons... and deal with the disappointment that ensues...

That's what I did today.

I don't like it, I'm not happy about it, but I know it's what I have to do...

So I guess it's time for plan B...

Confusion

2009-08-10T15:53:00.000-03:00

This is going to sound strange... but I am a firm believer in Law. Without laws, the world would be chaos and it would make our lives a lot more complicated.

However, the whole concept of law also implies that you can't follow it if you do not know it. Of course, it is your responsibility to find out and behave accordingly, but that implies that the authorities themselves know the law and can advise you.

The worse cases of law ignorance I have encountered, for some reason, always have to do with immigration. Example:

Last week I found out that as a Brazilian in Argentina, I could have gone to the immigration department HERE and requested residency, paying the total sum of $300 pesos. However, the Argentinian EMBASSY in Brazil had misinformed me and for that reason I believed that I had to 1) Go to Brazil, 2)Run around like a fool for a week gathering documents, 3) Pay the embassy fee of $850 pesos, to obtain that same residency.

This week I am even more confused. Once again, the immigration authorities of a certain country are not in agreement, the Embassy says one thing, the Foreign Department in the country says another. And I don't know who to believe. This time, what the Embassy says would make my life a WHOLE LOT easier... but what if I get to said country and the immigration authorities I will have to deal with upon arrival tell me something different?

I am confused. I have a headache. For once I don't know the language of said country well enough to call and yell at them directly (which may or may not help), and that annoys me even more. (yes, I'm a language snob, and I get annoyed at myself for knowing only four. If you think I'm ridiculous, stop reading my blog).

Conclusion:

I'm in a bad mood.

When Murphy wins...

2009-08-05T16:53:00.001-03:00

It seems that when one thing starts to go wrong, it's a domino effect, EVERYTHING goes wrong at the same time...

Today I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch, after picking up the key to another friend's apartment, since he was going on a trip and leaving me at his place. The stupid alarm didn't go off and I missed both things. When I finally woke up (because I was cold!) and realized I was totally late, I was freaking out and wondering why the alarm hadn't gone off, until I tried to turn on the lights, and they wouldn't turn on! I checked the alarm, and nothing. Touched the heater: cold. Conclusion? There was no power.

I turned on the computer (which luckily runs on batteries!) and realized the wireless internet connections around my house were all up and running, which meant my neighbors had power... Conclusion? My roommates didn't pay the electric bill!!!

I tried to send a txt to my friends to explain why I hadn't showed up, but had run out of credit.

I take my computer to the balcony to check my email, and got an email that says my sort of plans for September might not work out until maybe MARCH!

I take a taxi to go to my friend's house, the one I should've been at 2hrs ago, and the taxi driver takes me around half the city while I was busy sending texts and not paying attention. Of course I yelled at him. He gave me a discount of ONE peso! Huge discount!

I go to Starbucks and get what I usually get, a mocha with extra chocolate and because I'm having a crappy day, an extra shot of Hazelnut which 90% of the time they don't charge me for. This time, not only did they charge me for the hazelnut, they even charged me for the extra mocha!!! Result, instead of paying $13 pesos, I paid $16. In a normal day, I would've complained and yelled at them. Today I don't even have the strength to do so...

Right now I'm at the above mentioned Starbucks, trying to relax, but about to run out of battery because their wall socket doesn't accept my computer plug.

Can this day get any worse????

Dreams, old friends, new friends and moving...

2009-08-04T04:47:00.000-03:00

As the title and description of this blog make evident, this is a blog about random thoughts, so it is probably best not to look for a connection between this post and the next, or even between phrases in the same post... it's random!

I had a dream about my wedding, something like 8 years ago. I don't usually remember my dreams, but I remember this one because of one particular thing: when I walked down the aisle and looked up at my husband-to-be, I realized I did not know him. What does that mean? I have a couple of ideas...

After I had that dream, about a year later, I moved to a different country and met many interesting people. Every time I met someone new, I wondered if they were the unknown face from my dream...

The friends I made back then are now old friends. I've made many other friends since then, and they're the "new" friends now who will become old friends with time. But I've stopped wondering if any of my new or old friends are the one from the dream. All except maybe one.

Now I'm at the verge of moving again. Will I move? Should I move?

I already miss my old friends. I don't want to start missing all the new ones. Not so fast. We haven't had enough time together. And they're so amazing!! I don't want to miss them...

But my poor heart has already left... it is wandering somewhere over the atlantic ocean, half way between where I am now and my next destination...