Sunday, May 13, 2012

A simple little word... NO

How can one little word be so difficult to say and cause so many problems?

Why is it that society (and particularly some cultures) have made us believe that it is impolite or mean  or selfish to say "no" to something?

I don't get it. This is a collective problem of humanity, one that I also struggle with sometimes, but I do my best to actually say no when I don't want to do something, or at least to bite the bullet and do it if I said yes.

But I think the problem is that we don't see the other side. Why is it that we don't have the right to say no? Why do we feel rude? If we say yes to something out of obligation or inability to say no, we are not happy, not doing something to the best of our ability, and we're usually upset with the other person for "forcing" us to do something we didn't want.

However, they're not "forcing" us at all! They asked a question. We said yes. It's our problem!

I don't think it's rude to say no. I think it's much worse to do something for someone without actually wanting to. Saying no is ok. Really. I might be sad if someone says "no" to me, depending on the circumstance, but I'll never be mad at them. It's their right. And I'll even protect their right to say no. I don't want anyone to help me, or go somewhere, or lend me something, or do anything at all out of obligation, when their heart is not in it.

But that leads us to the other problem around the word "no". The fake yes. Oh, how I hate that. Oh, how it annoys me.

The majority of the people who don't have the guts to say no (or don't say it for a variety of other reasons), actually feels obligated by their own word, their commitment, and actually do what they said they would. But once in a while you run into people who don't have the guts to say no, but don't have the decency to be true to their word either. That's a waste of my time. That's not ok. I could have asked someone else, someone who actually wanted to help, but instead, I'm waiting for the idiot who didn't have the guts to say no, but didn't have the strength to follow through either...

We should start practicing and saying no to things we don't want to do. We need to defy society's claim that anytime someone asks us anything, we should say yes. We need to reclaim our right to use that simple little word: NO!